Wife Version 1.0

Header by Samulli. To read more or play along, click T13.

A girl friend forwarded an email from EnjoyTheMasti to her gang which comprises two wives: one married for a couple of years and the other is married for more than ten years; a beautiful, single 'dis-engaged' (her fiance found a low-quality, ancient and illegal version of Wife 1.0) and a happy divorcee (me). Widow is luckily not in this gang yet, and hopefully non-existent in say, fifty years. From the email, I am listing down 13 points from both the Troubled User and the reply from Tech Support. P.S. Sense of humor 5.0 will help you laugh your way down the list:

Complaint from Troubled User

1. Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend version 7.0 to Wife version 1.0.

2. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

3. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitoring system activity: applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5 and Racing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

4. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please Help!

Reply from Tech Support

5. This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment Program.

6. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this.

7. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warning-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation.

8. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate the software augmentation.

9. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

10. Wife 1.0 is a great program. Although it tends to be very high maintenance, Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

11. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5.

12. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software called Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0

13. WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.